Returning to our blog
This is Ted. I am returning after nearly two years of being unable to post on our blog. This post is filled with a lot of emotion for me. And I hope it will be understood why I have not returned sooner or why our posts stopped suddenly without the ending of our 'adventure'. And also that you will understand why I need to share this very personal account of those last two months.
On the morning of January 14, 2017, Linda passed away while in St. Luke's Hospice Center in Bethlehem, PA. They certainly need to be given my families thanks for their care and understanding of that last week. We were there for 6 nights.
I know Linda is probably upset with me for taking so long to get back to writing about our adventure.
On the morning of January 14, 2017, Linda passed away while in St. Luke's Hospice Center in Bethlehem, PA. They certainly need to be given my families thanks for their care and understanding of that last week. We were there for 6 nights.
I know Linda is probably upset with me for taking so long to get back to writing about our adventure.
But in the meantime I have learned a great deal about the grieving process and perhaps this is another step along the way. I do know that this process is different for everyone, and that no other person can really know how it affects them but themselves. I also know that without the Gospel of Jesus Christ neither I nor Linda would have been able to face this time as we did. She was cheerful and uplifting till the end. The more grandchildren that could squeeze onto the two hospital beds we had set up side by side the better. Linda loved to have them crawl up and watch a movie with her.
I just re-read the last post we made, and it sure brought back a flood of memories from two years ago. Those who are familiar with the progression of ALS will know the stages of the disease that a patient faces. Linda's ALS was much more aggressive than we knew at the time of that November 2016 post. The doctors and the ALS Association all kept giving us what I now know is a standard answer; the average life expectancy is about three years. We all knew it was progressing rapidly, but I'm sure we didn't want to extrapolate that to an end date. Linda's muscle function was dropping so rapidly we were all just trying to keep up with the changing needs. By Thanksgiving she could not use her left hand to feed herself and we were desperately trying to get a power wheel chair. By Christmas we had received one, and I had purchased a van that allowed Linda to sit beside me in the passenger position. She dearly loved to be able to drive along the Delaware River on River Rd., a beautiful place.
She was developing a cough about then that we were having difficulty suppressing, and she told me she thought that it was the beginning of the end. Of course I didn't want to hear that, and I kept encouraging her to use the Cough Assist machine the ALS Association had given us. That machine was helpful at first, but I wish we had known a little more about why it became so painful to her ears. I suspect we would have taken Linda to the hospice sooner if we had known that the muscles in her ears were failing and the machine was making her eardrums bulge. So we struggled on with the cough assist and the antihistamine and small doses of morphine the nurses gave her.
On Saturday, Jan. 7, 2017 we could not control her cough until late in the afternoon. Our Bishop came to visit and he and I gave Linda a priesthood blessing. During that blessing I kept hearing these words that I refused to say. Finally, after the same words kept coming, I told Linda that Heavenly Father was anxiously awaiting her return. That was hard to do. We both knew that it would not be long till she would leave this life for the next.
On Sunday the 8th, Linda ate a good breakfast and lunch. We talked with our daughters, Linda Jo and Kim, for a while and then Linda's cough returned and we could not control it. We called the hospice and they said they could treat her better at the hospice facility, so they brought an ambulance and took her to the hospice. By Monday afternoon Linda was having trouble speaking. By Tuesday she could not speak. By Wednesday she could not open her eyes and every muscle in her body was gone except her lungs and heart. All of our children were there and all we could do was sit with her and tell her we loved her as we waited. She passed away Saturday morning as I was putting on her lipstick, as I had done every morning for the last two months after washing her face. It was hard to see her go, but it was harder to ask her to stay and endure more suffering.
I just re-read the last post we made, and it sure brought back a flood of memories from two years ago. Those who are familiar with the progression of ALS will know the stages of the disease that a patient faces. Linda's ALS was much more aggressive than we knew at the time of that November 2016 post. The doctors and the ALS Association all kept giving us what I now know is a standard answer; the average life expectancy is about three years. We all knew it was progressing rapidly, but I'm sure we didn't want to extrapolate that to an end date. Linda's muscle function was dropping so rapidly we were all just trying to keep up with the changing needs. By Thanksgiving she could not use her left hand to feed herself and we were desperately trying to get a power wheel chair. By Christmas we had received one, and I had purchased a van that allowed Linda to sit beside me in the passenger position. She dearly loved to be able to drive along the Delaware River on River Rd., a beautiful place.
She was developing a cough about then that we were having difficulty suppressing, and she told me she thought that it was the beginning of the end. Of course I didn't want to hear that, and I kept encouraging her to use the Cough Assist machine the ALS Association had given us. That machine was helpful at first, but I wish we had known a little more about why it became so painful to her ears. I suspect we would have taken Linda to the hospice sooner if we had known that the muscles in her ears were failing and the machine was making her eardrums bulge. So we struggled on with the cough assist and the antihistamine and small doses of morphine the nurses gave her.
On Saturday, Jan. 7, 2017 we could not control her cough until late in the afternoon. Our Bishop came to visit and he and I gave Linda a priesthood blessing. During that blessing I kept hearing these words that I refused to say. Finally, after the same words kept coming, I told Linda that Heavenly Father was anxiously awaiting her return. That was hard to do. We both knew that it would not be long till she would leave this life for the next.
On Sunday the 8th, Linda ate a good breakfast and lunch. We talked with our daughters, Linda Jo and Kim, for a while and then Linda's cough returned and we could not control it. We called the hospice and they said they could treat her better at the hospice facility, so they brought an ambulance and took her to the hospice. By Monday afternoon Linda was having trouble speaking. By Tuesday she could not speak. By Wednesday she could not open her eyes and every muscle in her body was gone except her lungs and heart. All of our children were there and all we could do was sit with her and tell her we loved her as we waited. She passed away Saturday morning as I was putting on her lipstick, as I had done every morning for the last two months after washing her face. It was hard to see her go, but it was harder to ask her to stay and endure more suffering.
Linda was tremendously brave through those six months after she was diagnosed. We both knew the outcome of ALS, but she remained cheerful and loving to everyone around her. Her children, grandchildren, nurses and everyone was greeted with a smile and, as long as she was able, a thankful “Linda “ hug. Even if it was with one arm or a wrist.
We have all missed her terribly, and it certainly is still hard. For those of you who are going through something similar, or if you will in the future, I want to tell you that without the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives we would not have been able to go through this adventure. Knowing that there is an Eternal purpose in our lives, and the joyous feelings of reuniting with our loved ones in the future, is what keeps me going through each day.
I hope you have read her testimony that she posted that fall of 2016. She never hesitated to tell us of her love for the Savior which she gained as a little child. I love her for that conviction that He is always there for us if we will just seek Him.
We have all missed her terribly, and it certainly is still hard. For those of you who are going through something similar, or if you will in the future, I want to tell you that without the Gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives we would not have been able to go through this adventure. Knowing that there is an Eternal purpose in our lives, and the joyous feelings of reuniting with our loved ones in the future, is what keeps me going through each day.
I hope you have read her testimony that she posted that fall of 2016. She never hesitated to tell us of her love for the Savior which she gained as a little child. I love her for that conviction that He is always there for us if we will just seek Him.
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